1 post tagged “eating issues”

So, a little over a year ago, due to concern for my health, wellbeing, self-image and physical comfort, I decided to (belatedly) take a doctors advice and go on the well-known South Beach Diet.  I've spent my entire life unhappy with my body, feeling too big, unattractive, scared to participate in any sports less someone see how un-sporty I really am.  Trying to hide.  So I did the South Beach thing.  And it frickin worked.  I lost 8 pounds or so over 2 weeks, then slowed down to about a pound or so a week of loss, give or take.  I gave up beer and bread and pasta and sugar and all that jazz.  I felt better than I had in a long time, I was feeling good about my body, and as promised by the program, I wasn't hungry all the damn time cuz I wasn't riding a blood-sugar roller-coaster.  Then I went to North Carolina for a week, ate grits and bread and potatoes and fried whatever.  I told myself that I'd go back on my eating plan when I got back, and I sorta did and sorta didn't then I really didn't and well...you know how it goes.  Now I eat burgers and fries and snack on peanut butter and jelly toast at 11:30 at night.  The weight came back, plus a little more, and fucking god dammit I feel huge.  I am huge.  Luckily most of the time I don't feel too terrible about it...my self esteem is better than it has been in years.  And luckily I have a wonderful wonderful sweetie who loves me as I am and thinks I am beautiful.  And that's great, but I want to think I am beautiful too.  And today I pulled on a pair of pants, which last year, fit great, and yes, they still fit, but not well...not comfortably.  So I'm feelin it.  It's time to go back.  Once I got on it I loved it and felt great and didn't really miss things like toast and french fries and things like that...that much.  I missed the beer.  But wine is great.  So I wanna try again.  I need to try again.  I owe it to myself to try again. 

The plan is: 1st- two weeks of all-out ketosis.  Which means basically eating nothing but low-fat protein and vegetables and drinking water.  Chicken, lean steak, turkey, salads, eggs, a little cheese, tofu.  No alcohol. At all. 

Then: After two weeks, once a week, allow myself a cheat treat.  Go the the Lebanese restaurant and eat the wonderful, puffy, white flour pocket bread and lamb with white rice.  Or eat a burger and fries.  Yes, allow myself to drink alcohol, but wine only. No beer, and no hard stuff with the sugary mixers.  Yeah, I'll prolly slip some, but I can get back on track.  I can always get back on track. 

Here's the thing that I think makes it hardest.  The preparation.  I am not a terribly domestic person.  I like convenience foods, I like to go out to eat, I do NOT like to spend much time in the kitchen.  Most of the time, I find it mundane and messy.  But if I'm gonna do this, I gotta be willing to prepare some foods.  Make the fritatta thing once a week or so.  Cook chicken a few times a week.  Get snacks together.  And at school....it's nothin but the salad bar, unless I bring my own lunch.  And snacks.  Planning ahead for eating.  That's the name of the game.  Oh yeah, and my sweetie is basically vegetarian and one of the most gratifying and easy things to do on this plan is eat the meat.  Cuz my body doesn't like too much tofu.  So here I go, I'm gonna wish myself luck try to be kind and forgiving of myself, and give it a go again.